Where from here?

"When we come into the present, we begin to feel the life around us again, but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding. We must have the courage to face whatever is present — our pain, our desires, our grief, our loss, our secret hopes, our love...everything that moves us most deeply."

- Jack Kornfield

On Friday, I came into the present. I felt it. I felt feel. 

Junior showed me where it is. Drifter stayed there with me.

When I had exhausted the moment to the extent that I feared taking advantage, I went into my house and 4000 words manifested. Must keep going…

On the heels of the third ride ever with Travis (more on that later)...

I am crawling out of my skin today at work. I've been trying to find a good frame of mind, but I can’t make that happen either. A small forced smile seems to lighten the weight, but with the end of a smile comes the weight of uncertainty.

I try to practice what I preach. I try to find the good in everything, but today it feels like finding the good is a façade. In order to find some authenticity in myself, I have quickly realized that it's not all perfect. And that has to be OK. I’ve reminded a few friends recently that they should fill their lives with things that fulfill them and quit wasting time on that which does not fulfill. Easier said than done.

A visit to my place of employment was both a blessing and a curse. A lightbulb was turned off. It was a minor setback in surrounded by encouragement (but at what cost). Momentarily, I am focusing on the lightbulb instead of silver screen.

Am I encountering what I have been avoiding? If I were to skip tomorrow, would that mean I lack courage? If I check out tonight into a glass of wine, will this be waiting for me in the morning?

So why post this entry? A little redheaded bird said "are you blogging about it?" Good idea.

It is a part of my journey and there is purpose. Maybe some of you have encountered it…or maybe you will.

This too shall pass and I will understand later.

If you haven't yet heard "head full of doubt/road full of promise", you must.


I am off to the arena...