Tranquility

On Monday, the drive home felt "different".

Monica & Bullet; Suzanne & Drifter; Buck & Gidget; Kathy & Junior

Buck Brannaman's New River, AZ clinic atmosphere was different from previous years. People were lined up with books, DVDs, and hats to get Buck's autograph. When we might have had 40 spectators before, there were hundreds this year. The spectators were lively and interactive. They applauded for riders who had success with their horses working cows. They cheered when Buck said Facebook was for people who have too much time on their hands and nothing productive to do (...which is kind of funny, because I know some people were "checking in" to Facebook that morning). They laughed when Buck was helping an individual student and would say to the rest of the class "and the rest of you honyockers better be listening". At one point, I was slightly unseated from the saddle when Drifter let out a little kick while working cows. I heard a unanimous gasp from the bleachers, and realized the spectators thought I was going to be a lawn dart. Buck explained to them that Drifter had just realized that he is superior to the cows. (He's at the bottom of the pecking order at home, so he must have felt pretty good. It makes me smile.)

Last year, after Buck's clinic, I cried on the drive home, trying to make sense of what had happened with Junior. I sought answers which were nowhere to be found. I felt mentally lost until a few days later, Mike Thomas told me to "Never let anyone try to convince me that it didn't happen. You will now hear differently and learn faster." It's very clear that it is a big secret.

Mike was right. I heard Buck differently this year. It's almost as if he speaks in a code that only those who know the secret can hear. And you work at it with so much dedication that you might as well be the only one in the arena. And it certainly doesn't make you any better than anyone else...you just work at it. And you think. Those who don't know the secret work freeing up their horses...moving them better...and open themselves up to a different approach. Maybe, just maybe, to make things better for the horses.

  

This year, as we departed New River, Sis was immediately down for a nap in the backseat. We drove in silence for a bit. Exhaustion demanded coffee. A conversation with Hen in the mare motel at Paul's resonated with me. But for miles of stretches, Kathy and I didn't speak. I know where I was, and I assume she was there too.

Reflecting.

"The horse is a mirror to your soul..."

from the documentary Buck

This gift has opened my mind to the mental over physical side of "riding". Like all horses, Drifter is open to it. And because he's so new and I have been working very hard to remain fair with him when I work with him, he is responsive in ways I've never experienced before. When horses are closed to it, it has become clear to me why. And it's not the horse's fault. I don't have answers, but I do have some comprehension. All I can do is keep learning and keep working at it.

 

Buck said he is looking forward to the day that he can teach us what he knows, instead of what he thinks we need to know.

I want to be there.

If you take any activity, any art, any discipline, any skill,
take it and push it as far as it will go, push it beyond
where it has ever been before, push it to the wildest edge of edges,
then you force it into the realm of magic.
-Tom Robbins

Insomnia

Across the room, Sis makes noises that sound like she is talking in her sleep. I can't make out what she is saying.

Moo and Hen are a floor up, likely talking until their voices fade to slumber.

I said goodnight to Travis and have been in bed for over an hour but I can't sleep. I thought this might happen, but didn't realize how wide awake I could be after watching the clock, counting sheep, staring at the ceiling, and changing positions from stomach to side to back.

We have to be up early tomorrow. Drifter has settled into his stall at Paul's. He traveled well. It was cute when I spoke with Travis this afternoon to hear Jake vocalizing over the phone. He wasn't too thrilled that we left without him.

I am looking forward to what will happen in the arena with Buck. My mind is flooded with memories of last year and I wonder how it can possibly be topped.

There's a level of intimidation to set foot in there—but it isn't a competition. I am here to learn and not to show. Everything is for me to gain if I leave my pride to disintegrate into the wind that blows through the saguaros.